Dealing with the Loss of a Loved One. 

I have been pretty silent the past few weeks because I have been dealing with one of the most difficult things I have ever had to face. My husband passed away unexpectedly. There is nothing like the loss of a spouse to put things in to focus on what is really important in life. 

As a Real Estate Professional I have spent the last twenty years working my backside off to be a success in Real Estate and provide for my family. With this loss, I have come to the realization that no matter how successful you are, or how much money you make, none of it really matters when you lose your “person”, the one person in your life that made your life worth living. 

The emotional roller coaster is unbelievable. Some days are okay, some days you can barely make yourself get out of bed.  You feel like your brains are floating around the room somewhere and focus is next to impossible. I find myself questioning everything I do because I can’t sit still long enough to complete one task before I am distracted by something else. The grief will strike unexpectedly and I will have to walk away and deal with that before I can move on. 

All this is so unlike me, I am so OCD it is ridiculous. I find myself frustrated because I forget what I am doing in the middle of something. I lay something down and can’t remember where I put it, or I get distracted by a random thought and I can’t remember what I was doing before the thought intruded. 

There are so many details to remember too. Notifying people, changing information, filing insurance claims, and making arrangements is all consuming. Nothing is easy to do.  You make a call and then spend 10 minutes on hold, then you get to someone who can’t help you and they have to transfer you to someone else.  You can spend an hour just bouncing around from person to person explaining everything over and over again to get anything done. By the time you are done with one phone call you are so drained you want to go curl up on a ball and hide. 

And through it all you have clients calling and wanting something. They want to look at a house that just hit the market. They want to make an offer on a house. Trying to focus long enough to write a contract is a challenge. Scheduling inspections and tasks becomes a huge chore. 

I sometimes wish I had the option to stop it all for a while, but I am my only support now. I have to work to keep a roof over my head and the wolves away from the door. My husband hadn’t worked in many years and with his loss also goes some of the income we were getting so the demands on me are even higher. The reality is I have no choice, plans don’t always work out the way you expect them to and pushing onward is the only option. As an only child with no children it is even harder. My cousin said it best, “the only problem with being an only child is that one day you find yourself the only.” He was so right. I have good friends to help me through this, but at the end of the day it is only me to carry on. 

Thanks for reading. It thought putting this out there might help someone else who may be going through the same thing. I wanted them to know, you are not alone. 

Sandra Paulow, Associate Broker, GRI, REALTOR®

Aspen Properties, Inc.

Pinetop, Arizona